“Uptown Funk” – How I got Finessed

I’ll start my first blog post with a recentĀ  Tinder date who totally swept me off my feet. He was smooth, taught me to let go of being so uptight and made me realize I am a total embarrassment to myself.

Human’s of TindrUptown Funk: He said to me “Why are you so God damn beautiful and chill? Please don’t change and don’t let me change you” He is probably the only man I have met that could change me. I haven’t been updating you all with Tinder stories, but I have been posting pics on Instagram. Anyway, I matched with this guy the day after I came back from vacation. He wanted to meet up right away. He wanted to take me out to dinner at Cityscape- a beautiful indoor rooftop bar in downtown SF. I was tired from the trip and training, plus I really don’t believe in going to the man so I told him I would meet him another day. He kept asking as the weekend progressed “As you can see, I am not trying to miss a day” he messaged me so I told him Monday worked. (I would already be in the City. I am not chasing no man). I really did not get as dolled up as I usually do for dates. I still put in effort. I had no expectations for this date. I got their early and he rushed over. When he came he had a big smile. I was surprised. He was way cuter than his pictures. He was different than the corporate techies and CEOs I have been dating. He had pics of him on the beach, traveling, showing off his six-pack. He was a nerd too though. He had a corporate job but had a wild streak. He kinda looks like Bruno Mars, but taller and more handsome. He told me many people tell him that. Has major swag. He kinda reminds me of Rhett Buttler too. Doesn’t dress sharp but is smooth and dangerous. He’s actually from Nepal, but has been living in the U.S. his adult life and has definitely adopted the Bay Area Funk. I was zoning out staring and smiling distracted at his muscles and his chiseled face as he was talking. “What are you laughing at?” He asked. “I am not laughing, you’re handsome” I responded. “Really? he said surprisingly turning his head. After drinks, we went downstairs for dinner and had a Moscow Mule drink. We got along well so he asked if I wanted to go dancing since I told him I liked salsa dancing. We went to a bar but there was no dancing. I think we drank a vodka cranberry. I had so much to drink I had to break the seal. He waited outside for the Lyft to take us to a dance club. Standing outside we hugged and he asked what was my last name. I asked what his was and I could not say it right. He kissed me. I asked him why he did that. He said I was cute. I wasn’t complaining. “What’s that?! He pointed at my back. What? I turned and THERE WAS A FOOT OF TOILET PAPER HANGING OUT THE BACK OF MY PANTS LIKE A TAIL! HOW TF DID TOILET PAPER GET ON MY BUTT WHEN I DIDN’T POOP?! I WANTED TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT! This crap only happens to me!