What Do Your Matches Say About Your Tinder Profile? How to make a Tinder profile that sets you apart from the crowd

September 27, 2018

It’s still #thirstythursday here in California and it’s that time of year where Tinder is on and poppin’! I change my photos regularly, but haven’t changed my Tinder bio in 3 years! Matches have broken the ice by telling me that my bio makes me unlike the other girls they swipe through. In one day, I had 3 men give me the feedback I have gotten over the years. Have you thought about how people who swipe view your pictures and your”about me” blurb?

This Tinder match got my vibe and that I liked to travel.

This tinder match got my cool vibe. It’s amazing what they can tell from your photos

Don’t be afraid to show your sense of humor. Some men do this poorly with obscure movie quotes that make them seem like an ax murderer. I made a joke about my competition’s profiles and my dating rules so I don’t come off as stuffy.

I made this tinder match laugh at my bio. I sometimes make myself laugh reading my profile!

Men WILL read what you put on there. It was evident that this man was impressed by me putting down my standards

Men do read your profile to see if they would be a good match! This man was glad I knew what I was looking for

Do NOT believe the myth that no one reads profiles on Tinder! What these screenshots tell you is that men absolutely do read your bio and it is a tool to intrigue them. It gets them interested in contacting you to potentially set up a date beyond the initial physical attraction they see in your photos. As a woman, I tend to swipe left if a guy is too secretive or has no bio. Even if he’s hot! It gives me the impression that he’s a catfish or is either ashamed of what he does or has something to hide. Men tell me my profile is hilarious, it’s unique, and that I seem interesting. Does your Tinder Profile set you apart from the crowd?  I would like to help you think about what vibe you are giving off.

Making a bio is not that difficult if you know who you are and why you are on Tinder. How do friends describe you? Why are you logging in and spending time swiping? My bio is short, sweet and to the point. I believe the character limit is 500 and I have 98 characters remaining.

1. I mention my personality type and:

2. What I will and will not stand for

3. A joke to brighten up my rules- one of which is that I DO NOT give my phone number until after I meet in person. I don’t like randoms to have my number out there. Yes, I could get a Google voice number, but that’s not the point. I am not here for time wasters. Some men argue with me on the phone number deal, but I said it upfront so they have the option to swipe left. If you can’t handle that simple rule, you don’t respect boundaries. That’s a big red flag.

Even when I clearly state my rule that I don’t give my number out until after the first date, some men still argue with me on it. I chuck the deuces. Like, do they think there is some shortage of men on Tinder? Why waste time matching if you want to argue with their established rule

4. Mention my optimistic attitude about my dating experiences.

5. I end with stating the most important quality I am looking for in a man.

Most Importantly are the photos:

I am not going to share my photos because of reverse search LOL! But, I will say that men have told me they like the way I dress in my photos, they can tell I am shy (HOW DO YOU SEE THAT IN A PHOTO I HAVE NO IDEA!) yet despite my shyness, I have a wild streak.  I think they can tell that from my mischevious smile. If you look at Princess Diana, she has a similar smile. Did you know that the press gave her the nickname “Shy Di”? Despite her appearing shy, it looked like she was keeping a secret. I went to Kensington Palace this summer and the Diana exhibit stated that she appeared shy in public, but her friends said that privately she was the life of the party.

This was this match’s first message to me! It was back in July. I read it but forgot to respond to him. Oops! Don’t share everything. Be mysterious and intriguing. Be unlike the others.

How to choose a photo for your Tinder Profile:

Think of your pics as the primary way to leave the first impression. Tinder is a superficial app. You are being judged on your appearance, however, it is true that a picture can say a thousand words. I can’t tell you how many people on and off of Tinder could nail my personality type by just seeing photos of me. Even landlords have asked for online photos of me to see my energy before interviewing me to rent (Yeah, I know. That’s discrimination). I am personally against photos with athletic and workout gear unless you are an athlete and/or working out is an important part of who you are. I swipe left at men who wear Jerseys. It’s too casual and bro-ey for me. No, I do not want to tailgate a Raider’s game with you. Gross. You should have at least one picture where you are dressed up like you are going for a night on the town. Show your prospect that you clean-up nicely. If you are just looking for someone to watch Grey’s Anatomy then fine, post a pic of you in loungewear and yoga pants with a messy bun. Someone may like that. Otherwise:

  1. Use an updated photo or upload photos regularly. It is unfair to use old photos from your younger, thinner days to catfish your date. None of my current photos are more than a year old. Tinder now has a feature that shows all of your matches updated photos across their “timeline”. Those matches who went ghost get those updated photos and re-materialize.

    A man who I never heard from after we chatted a little on the app in 2016 all of a sudden reappeared when he saw a picture of me in a pink dress on his feed in 2018

2. Smile. Show your teeth in at least 1 picture. Not every guy wants a shy, mischevious girl like me. Smiling make you seem pleasant to be around, and it makes you seem like an open, honest person with nothing to hide. This goes for men too. Avoid posting serious-looking photos that look like they could be used by the news should you get into trouble.

3. Have at least one full body shot. Both men and women are suspect that you are larger than you may appear if you only upload headshots. Besides, you want a person who loves you for the size you are now, right? Filter out the jerks who don’t want a “large-and-in-charge” mate before you waste your time communicating with them.

4. DO NOT post group photos where your match may think your friend is cuter than you are or may be confused which one in the group you are. I am not sure why people do this. OK, I get it, you may want people to think you are popular with many friends so they want to join the fun. Yet, there are some major jerks who may match with you just to get your friend’s number. You also run the risk that upon meeting, your date realizes you are the other person in the photos. That happened to me one date. I confused a guy for his friend in the photos.

5. Explain whether the child in the photos is your child or not. Don’t leave people guessing whether you have kids. Children may be a dealbreaker for some folks, while others are looking or open to have a blended family. I have been on a few dates with guys who mentioned nothing about having a child in their bio and they certainly did not have a photo. I can understand omitting a photo, but fail to see why a man would keep that hidden in the conversation leading up to the first date.

The Last-Minute Date- Catch Me Outside. How ‘Bout Dat? p. 1

September 20, 2018

Last week I had a discussion with my Facebook friends about last minute dates. They really annoy me. A guy messages you wanting to meet up that day or the next day. One one hand, it may seem flattering that he is eager to see you. Yet, there is something to be said about planning a date and the anticipation that comes with it.  I don’t know if there is something coded in our genes, but women typically love a man who plans a date- tells you when and where he will romance you. This should not be in the lady’s basket. You may ask her if she has food preferences, but gentlemen, please just PLAN A DATE! You’ll be light years ahead of the basic men out there. Spontaneity is good, but do not let your first impression cast you as someone who is at best, ambivalent about meeting someone or at worst, a fast boy.

I was surprised that men commented on my posts to agree with me- urging me not to go on the date that I was already questioning due to the next-day nature. One male friend said men like that are usually only thinking about sex. Another said, “next thing you know he is going to be texting you at 9pm saying ‘come outside'”. I agreed with their statements, but I am a woman of my word and I already told the man I would be at the coffee shop he chose.

I arrived at the coffee shop early. I sat down and waited a few minutes. I message him through Tinder asking if there was a certain table to meet him at. He messages back. Yeah, I will get their early and tell you where I am. Early? I am early. Then I realize, I am a DAY EARLY for our date. Ugh, I am such a nerd!

The Last-Minute date- Catch me outside p.2

So, the next day I met up with the dude at the coffee shop. I was not sure if he was nervous. He seemed to have a little shifty body language. He looked like his picture. He appeared to enjoy an active lifestyle. He had photos of him running a marathon and enjoying hiking. But he completely took me surprise when he spoke! He sounded like a hybrid of Stefon Urkel seducing Laura Winslow and the Catch Me Outside Girl. If you don’t know how that’s possible, neither do I.

I thought to myself, Oh my gosh! Am I that jerk that would judge someone because of their accent? Ugh, I must be a terrible person’. We talked about what he did for a living. He talked about being a math wiz and working his way up to a high position as an engineer in the tech industry. “Oh, do you like your job?” I asked. “I have been in jobs so boring that I understand why people do drugs I added”.

He lowered his head, smiled, and shook his head with a laugh. “I know what you mean, I have been on dates so boring-like we have nothing to talk about. To be honest, the first thing I look for is if I am attracted to the woman. And yes, I find you attractive”. ‘Wait, was I talking about dates because I swore we were just talking about jobs?’I thought to myself. “I mean, sometimes you hit it off and other times, you don’t. I know a lot of women are turned off that I talk ghetto”.

Whew, the elephant in the room has been addressed! I felt so much better once he said something about it. Although, I would not use the word “ghetto”. The thing is that I have heard people speak like that, but they know how to code switch. Also, what was surprising is like the Catch Me Outside Girl, as a half Jewish- half Mexican man, one would not stereotypically associate him with that accent. He said he pretty much grew up in Oakland, had only black friends, and married a black woman. He had such an affinity to African-American culture, that he did not feel at ease in white social spaces. I am not native to the Bay, but I have met native black Oaklanders and they do not sound like that at all, but I digress.  I asked why he divorced his wife and he told me he married her because he did not think he could do any better with his life, but once he started advancing his career, he realized he could do better. Hmmph, this is why I tell women, you do NOT build a man.

We spoke about his globetrotting as well as my travels. I found out that he had children. I hate when men don’t put that on their profile. He talked about his house on the hill he owned. He finally started asking me questions and asked what I did for a living. I told him, but I had to get going to another engagement. He said, “Ok, I need to go too but you were talking and I didn’t want to interrupt”.

The Nasty Churchboy who sent me a full-frontal nude pic

September 6, 2018

I get a lot of people who say that church is a good place to meet men & ask me why don’t I date a guy at church



I was raised in “the church”. I remember when I was in Kindergarten, my grandmother would take me to early morning mass before dropping me off at school. My mom took us to a Baptist church for a minute. When I became a tween, I started going to non-denominational black churches. That is pretty much where I got my church culture from. During my college years, my friends would joke that in my studies abroad, I would find a nice, quiet church boy who would swoop me up and wife me in South America. That time has come and gone.

People say that church is a good place to meet a significant other. That has never been my experience. I have always attracted “worldly men”. I did not know that church *girls* had a reputation until the pastor of a mega church that I attended in San Diego did not approve of the Singles Ministry because he said sinful… I mean single men from the outside would come to the Singles Ministry meetings looking for women to hook up with. It was so bad that the Ministry checked IDs before you could be admitted through the doors so they could trace who you were because apparently, these men were giving the women fake names before smashing and leaving them alone. He said church Singles Ministries are hook up joints and he doesn’t like it. Wouldn’t going to a club be a more fun place to pick up chicks?

You had to be over 27 years old to even go to a Minstry meeting so when I turned 27, I went to my first. It was alright. I didn’t seem like a hookup place to me. Just a lot of divorcees coming together and complaining about their first marriages.

I started going to a Bible study and made friends. It was mostly women, but there was one man who attended. He would defend me in arguments and sometimes look at me for an extended period of time, but I had no idea that he had sexual feelings for me until I moved to the Bay Area and got a late night text months after I left San Diego.

Censored text. Thank God!

Dude texted me out of nowhere with a FULL FRONTAL SHOWING HIS TWIG AND BERRIES AND TACO MEAT! With the caption “Is it OK to send nudes at night when you’re bored?”

What in the HELL??! No, tacos are like my favorite dish, but your untamed taco meat is not appetizing. How are you going to send me a nude and I never asked for it and never expected it because we are not even talking? Gross! At first, I thought he accidently sent me the pic meant for another Nicole. But no, he kept texting me and went I blocked him, he jumped in my Facebook DMs and asked me if I got his message. Bruh.

No, church is not a good place to meet men.

And men, never send women unsolicited dick picks! It’s akin to a perverted old man going around flashing people.