Dating Prince (continued) & a date with the black police officer

Christmas time in 2015 I had a good rotation of men. One day after another.

One of the great things about Tinder dating is that you get to hear the interesting life stories of men you probably would not encounter. Tinder was the first time I went on dates with African-American men or men in the Diaspora. (Well, there was one time I met a biracial lawyer guy in Ohio on eHarmony like 5 years before. He told a lot of corny jokes that only he laughed at) This was a new experience for me. Prince was the first black man I dated. I still catch flack from some men for having not dated many black men. How much is enough?

2015 racial tensions were high. The Black Lives Matter movement was emerging as a force that could not be dismissed by the mainstream media. There are not many black people in San Diego. It is a border town that despite it’s proximity to Mexico and having a significant Mexican-descendant population, has the reputation of being pretty white. Given this setting, it was interesting to have a date with a Black officer between my dates with Prince to see what life was like for him at the time.

December 15, 2015- San Diego

The Humans of Tinder: last night I went to a comedy show where you can bring your own booze with the romantic date dude. I’ll call him Hakeem, the Prince of Zamunda because he is certainly looking for a queen. He said he was looking for a wife. The show was much more funny with the wine he brought. After the show, we had Thai food. He looked at me and said “I like you, I want to make this work”. OK, wow. No one has ever said that to me. Meanwhile, I have other dates promised to others. But the Prince is ahead of the others.

Today I had a lunch date with a guy who is a counselor at a prison.

He chose his favorite Vietnamese place for us to eat pho. He’s originally from Brooklyn and his uncle choreographed the Lindy-hop scene in the Spike Lee film. He’s a fan of black cinema. He told me he was shocked to see how some of his colleagues react to the Black Lives Matter movement. Even said to see them make hurtful comments on social media. He said that when he moved into his apartment people looked at him with a side-eye and he would catch them staring at him with looks of suspicion. He is this big tall black guy who did not look in place in his neighborhood. However, all that changed the day he accidentally forgot to take off his lanyard from work before coming home. “Your lanyard?”, I asked. Yes, it looks like a police officer badge and it says I work at a corrections facility, he replied. “Ever since then, people have been smiling and waving at me when they see me”, he added.

We talked about everything from the Apollo theater to how he doesn’t go to church anymore. He said he felt like people were not genuine to what was being preached. No one at his elderly mom’s church offers to give her a ride to service. He gave her his nice Letterman jacket for donations to the poor, but the deacon took it for himself. I would be very disappointed and hurt about that if I were him too. We also talked a lot about food because he’s a Lil chunky, but sweet and attractive. I think I have met men I could fix up with my girlfriends! Anyway, I wanted to share because there are many “good” men out there who are highly educated, attractive and solid people. I’m keeping Hakeem the Prince of Zamunda tho 😉


The officer texted me a few times after that saying that he was expecting me to hit him up. I don’t do that because I personally believe in a guy pursuing a girl. I like to give time to men who show they are interested in me. Prince did that. He was constantly communicating with me. I have noticed even on a first tinder date guys say they go on what they think are good dates, but they never heard from the girl afterward. It’s like both parties are waiting for the other to make a move. Men would probably get better results if they were the ones to take the initiative. Anyway, I told the officer that he had not heard from me because I started dating someone.


The Nasty Churchboy who sent me a full-frontal nude pic

September 6, 2018

I get a lot of people who say that church is a good place to meet men & ask me why don’t I date a guy at church

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via GIPHY

I was raised in “the church”. I remember when I was in Kindergarten, my grandmother would take me to early morning mass before dropping me off at school. My mom took us to a Baptist church for a minute. When I became a tween, I started going to non-denominational black churches. That is pretty much where I got my church culture from. During my college years, my friends would joke that in my studies abroad, I would find a nice, quiet church boy who would swoop me up and wife me in South America. That time has come and gone.

People say that church is a good place to meet a significant other. That has never been my experience. I have always attracted “worldly men”. I did not know that church *girls* had a reputation until the pastor of a mega church that I attended in San Diego did not approve of the Singles Ministry because he said sinful… I mean single men from the outside would come to the Singles Ministry meetings looking for women to hook up with. It was so bad that the Ministry checked IDs before you could be admitted through the doors so they could trace who you were because apparently, these men were giving the women fake names before smashing and leaving them alone. He said church Singles Ministries are hook up joints and he doesn’t like it. Wouldn’t going to a club be a more fun place to pick up chicks?

You had to be over 27 years old to even go to a Minstry meeting so when I turned 27, I went to my first. It was alright. I didn’t seem like a hookup place to me. Just a lot of divorcees coming together and complaining about their first marriages.

I started going to a Bible study and made friends. It was mostly women, but there was one man who attended. He would defend me in arguments and sometimes look at me for an extended period of time, but I had no idea that he had sexual feelings for me until I moved to the Bay Area and got a late night text months after I left San Diego.

Censored text. Thank God!

Dude texted me out of nowhere with a FULL FRONTAL SHOWING HIS TWIG AND BERRIES AND TACO MEAT! With the caption “Is it OK to send nudes at night when you’re bored?”

What in the HELL??! No, tacos are like my favorite dish, but your untamed taco meat is not appetizing. How are you going to send me a nude and I never asked for it and never expected it because we are not even talking? Gross! At first, I thought he accidently sent me the pic meant for another Nicole. But no, he kept texting me and went I blocked him, he jumped in my Facebook DMs and asked me if I got his message. Bruh.

No, church is not a good place to meet men.

And men, never send women unsolicited dick picks! It’s akin to a perverted old man going around flashing people. 

The Croatian Yacht Guy would-be killer

December 11th, 2015- San Diego, CA

Third Tinder date in about a week. I’ll be honest, it was kinda underwhelming. He was interesting. He was from Croatia and wanted help learning English. He got a job on a Yacht and he sails the owner’s private parties. He was once a trained Salsa dancer. He told me was once married but found out his wife was cheating. He told her to call her lover so he could talk to him. He told him to come over- he was going to have everyone get drunk together. He did and all three of them got drunk together and he says “congrats you too, have a happy life together. I don’t want to see you again” this happened not too long after his wife and him were expecting their first child- a girl and she miscarried at 7 months. He said people feel sorry for him, but that he prays to God Everyday that everything happens for a reason

Getting out of my introvert shell at the classy club

August 2018,

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I spoke with my grandmother the other day and she told me she did not have many friends. She’s always been a quiet person so it was hard for her to make friends. Now she is in a new assisted living facility and now she doesn’t have any friends- though she is friendly with people. She asked how I was doing since everyone always commented that I was quiet. I told her I can totally relate to her. I never had many friends- people are not drawn to quiet introverts. They prefer to be around the life of the party. I had to start all over when I moved to the Bay. Well, last night I went out to my favorite bar. I went alone, but had an inkling Nicole Kidman would be coming there too (Now, if you are reading this from the blog, I’ll have to update you on who Nicole Kidman is from a previous story). I arrived and was looking for a table and this handsome older gentleman flagged me down “You can sit here!”. He was waiting for a friend. We chatted, he bought me drinks and kept offering to buy me food. When Nicole Kidman arrived with her friends he bought all of us drinks and since it was her birthday coming up got the restaurant to give her a cake. He kept flirting with me but did not make a move. Nicole Kidman asked me if she wanted me to have her give him my number. I said no, he’ll ask me if he’s interested. She said last week she met a Brazilian dude there who bought her and her friend’s dinner at the neighboring hotel restaurant and it was no cheap meal. I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. She told me that she was dating this man who spent $50,000 on a club membership, but asked her to go Dutch on dates. Dump him! I said. That is so rude. She nodded. She got that intel from a female real estate agent. I love how women here look out for one another. It is so rare that I find like-minded women. Many times I miss San Diego, but I think God has me here for a reason. He knows I have this psychological condition where I am sexually attracted to men who buy lots of food and drinks for my friends and I.

Humans of Meetup

March 4th, 2017

Humans of Meetup: Yeah, that’s right. I haven’t been on Tinder for a minute, but this dude tries to holler at me through Meetup. This guy direct messages me on Meetup and starts to ask me questions. I find him really funny so we exchange info. He texted me saying “hey, this is the guy hitting on you from Meetup” Ok, confirmed that he is interested in me. He proposes that we meet at a museum or for for coffee And says he doesn’t want there to be any awkwardness or expectations so let’s not call it a ‘date’…. Let’s start with a friendship. Ok, my respect for him increases. So he texts me throughout the week pics of the gourmet meals he makes (he’s from the Continent) and says “by the way, I’m 5’5 and comfortable with my sexy body but I know some women like taller men.” I’m cracking up and say I’m 5’6 and never cared about height much (there was actually one guy in my past who said I was too tall for him), but weren’t we taking it slow? I ask him if who he is cooking all this food for. He says he has roommates. “Ugh, Damn”, I thought. Long story short, after much texting he sets a day and place for us to meet and directions on the BART. “Um, hold up” I thought. I ask him if I chose a place closer to where I am- at least 1/2 way, if he’d be down. He says, “I live in Visitation Valley and work in Financial District and don’t venture out of my area much (so no), but I’d be willing to meet u closer on the 2nd or 3rd date”. Wow, OK. Trying not to be mad, but I am confused by his mixed signals. Men here treat anything more than 10 minutes as a long distance relationship.I won’t be meetin up with his 5’5 behind cuz I don’t chase men and that’s so rude. I had faith in men from the Continent. SMH, I need to stick to my M.O.

Mr. Cuba

June, 2016

Oh. Em.Gee!!! A guy I met in Cuba years ago tracked me down. They barely have internet but he finally found me on LinkedIn and then on Facebook. We met at a nightclub and had a short interaction before the club closed. I obviously didn’t have a cell phone or any way for him to communicate with me, but the name of the organization that was hosting us. Before I left the island the host center said a man came looking for me. They said they questioned him intently and came to the conclusion that he was a good man. There was no way to tell him I got the message he came looking for me. Fast forward to the present and dude remembers everything I told him! I told him I remembered him and what he did for a living but I didn’t remember his age. He told me he was about to turn 25. I was like whhhaat?! I don’t remember him being that young. He said I look good for my age and he was afraid he was too young for me so he lied.  Wow, I am a cougar. He said he’d make good looking babies and I still had time LOL