The Croatian Yacht Guy would-be killer

December 11th, 2015- San Diego, CA

Third Tinder date in about a week. I’ll be honest, it was kinda underwhelming. He was interesting. He was from Croatia and wanted help learning English. He got a job on a Yacht and he sails the owner’s private parties. He was once a trained Salsa dancer. He told me was once married but found out his wife was cheating. He told her to call her lover so he could talk to him. He told him to come over- he was going to have everyone get drunk together. He did and all three of them got drunk together and he says “congrats you too, have a happy life together. I don’t want to see you again” this happened not too long after his wife and him were expecting their first child- a girl and she miscarried at 7 months. He said people feel sorry for him, but that he prays to God Everyday that everything happens for a reason

Getting out of my introvert shell at the classy club

August 2018,

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I spoke with my grandmother the other day and she told me she did not have many friends. She’s always been a quiet person so it was hard for her to make friends. Now she is in a new assisted living facility and now she doesn’t have any friends- though she is friendly with people. She asked how I was doing since everyone always commented that I was quiet. I told her I can totally relate to her. I never had many friends- people are not drawn to quiet introverts. They prefer to be around the life of the party. I had to start all over when I moved to the Bay. Well, last night I went out to my favorite bar. I went alone, but had an inkling Nicole Kidman would be coming there too (Now, if you are reading this from the blog, I’ll have to update you on who Nicole Kidman is from a previous story). I arrived and was looking for a table and this handsome older gentleman flagged me down “You can sit here!”. He was waiting for a friend. We chatted, he bought me drinks and kept offering to buy me food. When Nicole Kidman arrived with her friends he bought all of us drinks and since it was her birthday coming up got the restaurant to give her a cake. He kept flirting with me but did not make a move. Nicole Kidman asked me if she wanted me to have her give him my number. I said no, he’ll ask me if he’s interested. She said last week she met a Brazilian dude there who bought her and her friend’s dinner at the neighboring hotel restaurant and it was no cheap meal. I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. She told me that she was dating this man who spent $50,000 on a club membership, but asked her to go Dutch on dates. Dump him! I said. That is so rude. She nodded. She got that intel from a female real estate agent. I love how women here look out for one another. It is so rare that I find like-minded women. Many times I miss San Diego, but I think God has me here for a reason. He knows I have this psychological condition where I am sexually attracted to men who buy lots of food and drinks for my friends and I.

Humans of Meetup

March 4th, 2017

Humans of Meetup: Yeah, that’s right. I haven’t been on Tinder for a minute, but this dude tries to holler at me through Meetup. This guy direct messages me on Meetup and starts to ask me questions. I find him really funny so we exchange info. He texted me saying “hey, this is the guy hitting on you from Meetup” Ok, confirmed that he is interested in me. He proposes that we meet at a museum or for for coffee And says he doesn’t want there to be any awkwardness or expectations so let’s not call it a ‘date’…. Let’s start with a friendship. Ok, my respect for him increases. So he texts me throughout the week pics of the gourmet meals he makes (he’s from the Continent) and says “by the way, I’m 5’5 and comfortable with my sexy body but I know some women like taller men.” I’m cracking up and say I’m 5’6 and never cared about height much (there was actually one guy in my past who said I was too tall for him), but weren’t we taking it slow? I ask him if who he is cooking all this food for. He says he has roommates. “Ugh, Damn”, I thought. Long story short, after much texting he sets a day and place for us to meet and directions on the BART. “Um, hold up” I thought. I ask him if I chose a place closer to where I am- at least 1/2 way, if he’d be down. He says, “I live in Visitation Valley and work in Financial District and don’t venture out of my area much (so no), but I’d be willing to meet u closer on the 2nd or 3rd date”. Wow, OK. Trying not to be mad, but I am confused by his mixed signals. Men here treat anything more than 10 minutes as a long distance relationship.I won’t be meetin up with his 5’5 behind cuz I don’t chase men and that’s so rude. I had faith in men from the Continent. SMH, I need to stick to my M.O.

Date with Lucifer

October 4th, 2016

Humans of Tinder: How are you going to sing in the church choir and not believe in God? On Saturday night I had a Tinder date at a bar in Oakland. The guy was a musician from his pictures and in his description, he said that he was a singer. He looked like an artsy guy. When I met him, he looked a lot younger than his pictures. It almost creeped me out. He said he sings for church choirs and he´s traveled all over the world to perform. He told me he´s been to Minnesota 4 times and even New Zealand performing in men´s choirs. He said his next trip is to Hong Kong because that´s where his mom was from and his dad´s family is from Hawaii. He said he said he didn´t like visiting that side of the family because his uncle is a Bishop and his family are devout Catholics and he doesn´t care about Jesus. I almost choked on my mango rum drink. I told him I was confused. Don’t you sing in churches? So you sing about things you don’t believe in? He said he gets paid to sing in choirs and he gets paid very well. We had a lot in common otherwise. His family here in the Bay work at zoos and he is an educator. He is a vegan and offered to cook me vegan food. We both like being alone when we get home. After the bar, we went on a walk to an ice cream shop. I am new to these gender pronouns so I was not sure if a former partner he was talking about was a man or a woman. He said he liked to be pet like a dog but is really particular about who can give him affection. That resonated with me because Shaq was hugging on me at it made me uncomfortable because we had just met. At the end of the night he said he wanted to see me again. I think he would be a really good guy friend like Cassanova was to me in SD but I can’t get over the fact that he’s an atheist who sings in church choirs. You know how I give ppl nicknames & you who else was an atheist who sang God’s praises….Lucifer

The Businessman

October 17th 2016,

Humans of Tinder: So I had a Tinder date on Sunday. It was pretty last minute. He texted me on the app because apparently, I went ghost. I did. He kept asking me for my phone number when my profile clearly says I don’t give it out. I told him He had to decide on a time and place and I’d be there. He told me I’d like him and I would regret not giving him my number sooner. Oh no, I hope he’s not cocky. He decided on a Burmese restaurant in Berkeley. Oh wow, I’ve never had Burmese food before so I was down. I got there on time. He wasn’t there. 5, 10, 15 minutes pass. Am I being stood up? They can’t seat me until he’s there and there is a long line. He messages me that he accidentally went to the wrong place. He pulls up in a black, sleek, luxury car. “I’m looking for parking,” he says. He arrives just in time for us to get a seat at the in-demand restaurant. “You looked indifferent when I arrived. Where you mad at me?” No, you’re lucky I am easy going I replied. He smelled good and was dressed up a little. He had the aura of ‘businessman’. Me like. He says he’s really hungry so we ordered a lot of different food to try. He had me choose one of 3 appetizers. I choose the bread. “Really?!, he said. Well, you can change it to something else I replied. “No, OK we’ll go with that” he told the waiter. He is a mechanical engineer from the Midwest who has been to over 30 countries. He graduated from Tuskegee and is new to the area. He’s only been here a few months. He has lived all over Mexico and is acquainted with my topic on Afro-Mexican communities. “If you see little Afro-Mexican child when you go back, it’s not from hundreds of years ago, it’s because of me. I had A LOT of fun in Mexico and they treated me REAL nice. I was in a different space there. I am not like that anymore!” he laughed. He went to Peru and said he had an Afro-Peruvian girlfriend while he was there. He also dated a Sudanese girl when he was in Mexico. For some reason his travels and his love interests made me like him. After working in the Auto Industry he retired and had 2 businesses but they failed. He never married or had children because he was so into his businesses, he never had time. He said he wants them in the future. He’s older than me. I’m not gonna lie, I like older men. He asked me what my long-term plans were. I told him I would be a professor and probably move back to SoCal. He said he wants to move back to LA. The bread I ordered was sooo good we both fought over it. “That was a good choice, Nicole!”. Hell, that restaurant was a good choice. He told me I made him think about teaching college as a career. We need more STEM teachers- especially black teachers. It was good food, and good conversation so it was a good date. He walked me to my car. I gave him my number

The Nigerian AT&T Disaster Date- I was ready ta go!

January 17, 2017

Humans of Tinder: The worse Tinder date I can recall (next to being catfished). Last week’s date sucked! It was last minute. Still jetlagged, I wanted to stay home and watch 90-day fiance on Youtube, but the emptiness of the dorm propelled me outwards. I told him I could meet under the condition that he would not be surprised if I was tired. He said I seemed like an intelligent woman who he wanted to get to know more. Good. I’m not sure exactly how we matched because he didn’t have a bio and I typically I swipe left unless they are super hot. He did not have any full-length photos so I was assuming he was short. I was running late because it was so last minute. I told him that btw, I died my hair blonde. He got to the bar before me and was waiting at a table. I message him “I’m here” when a middle-aged white, blonde lady sits at the bar. “oh, no, that can’t be her” he thought. I search for him then I sit at the bar and text him where to find me. He’s relieved that it’s me, but I have no idea what I am getting into. He was super tall- like 6’4. He seemed really nervous at first. He told me he was. He was a polymer chemist from Nigeria. He told me his wife died a year ago and he is getting back out there after the traditional 6 months of mourning. He told me he was not looking for hookups, and he truly is looking for a soul mate who understands him but proceeded to tell me that he and his wife had sex on the first date and further how women should not feel that men would judge them for doing that. He said that he had a deep conversation with her that night about thoughts and feelings and that he wanted to make her cum 5 times. WTF?! Facepalm. He had a hard time focusing on my eyes and kept drifting down to my chest which was totally covered. He also had a hard time not answering the phone. He must have been AT&T because he took 4 calls from Nigeria during the date- Like had full-on conversations in a language I did not know. My pet peeve is when men do that. Sofa King rude! He asked me if I could choose between a man with money, a good communicator, and a man who is good in the sack, which would I choose? He then told me he didn’t have much money. LOL, OMG. He asked if he could hold my hand across the table. I said No! Why? he asked. “Because I don’t know you, I retorted”. I just want to admire your beautiful fingers, he replied. I look at my hands, “yes, they are nice”. I was so ready to go. He paid for the dinner and I thought he was walking me to my car. He said he takes public transportation so he didn’t buy a car and thought I could give him a ride. “we did not discuss that” I said, “I have boundaries and you are not getting in my car. Well, at least stay here until my uber arrives, he replied as he held my car door open. “Well, thank you for the dinner, I got to go. Good luck” I added as I drove off. He shook his head while I smiled, waved and speed off

Mr. Cuba

June, 2016

Oh. Em.Gee!!! A guy I met in Cuba years ago tracked me down. They barely have internet but he finally found me on LinkedIn and then on Facebook. We met at a nightclub and had a short interaction before the club closed. I obviously didn’t have a cell phone or any way for him to communicate with me, but the name of the organization that was hosting us. Before I left the island the host center said a man came looking for me. They said they questioned him intently and came to the conclusion that he was a good man. There was no way to tell him I got the message he came looking for me. Fast forward to the present and dude remembers everything I told him! I told him I remembered him and what he did for a living but I didn’t remember his age. He told me he was about to turn 25. I was like whhhaat?! I don’t remember him being that young. He said I look good for my age and he was afraid he was too young for me so he lied.  Wow, I am a cougar. He said he’d make good looking babies and I still had time LOL

The Nerve of a Perv

June 2017,

Last night I had a date with a nerd. We met at a bar on Piedmont Ave.- a trendy street in Oakland. We had a great dinner and conversation although I couldn’t keep up with his talk about X-Men and other superhero movies. I don’t usually let a man drive me home-like ever but a) given the degree of his nerdiness, I don’t think he’s dangerous b) he drives a yellow smart car so I thought if he tried to do something people would say “the suspect drove away in a yellow smart car” which would make it easy to find him and actually pretty comical. But I when he dropped me off he rubbed my leg and tried to kiss me! WTH? How are you going to try to put the moves on a girl in a crowded as yellow smart car after just burgers and beer? Way to ruin a date jerk!

“Uptown Funk” – How I got Finessed

I’ll start my first blog post with a recent  Tinder date who totally swept me off my feet. He was smooth, taught me to let go of being so uptight and made me realize I am a total embarrassment to myself.

Human’s of TindrUptown Funk: He said to me “Why are you so God damn beautiful and chill? Please don’t change and don’t let me change you” He is probably the only man I have met that could change me. I haven’t been updating you all with Tinder stories, but I have been posting pics on Instagram. Anyway, I matched with this guy the day after I came back from vacation. He wanted to meet up right away. He wanted to take me out to dinner at Cityscape- a beautiful indoor rooftop bar in downtown SF. I was tired from the trip and training, plus I really don’t believe in going to the man so I told him I would meet him another day. He kept asking as the weekend progressed “As you can see, I am not trying to miss a day” he messaged me so I told him Monday worked. (I would already be in the City. I am not chasing no man). I really did not get as dolled up as I usually do for dates. I still put in effort. I had no expectations for this date. I got their early and he rushed over. When he came he had a big smile. I was surprised. He was way cuter than his pictures. He was different than the corporate techies and CEOs I have been dating. He had pics of him on the beach, traveling, showing off his six-pack. He was a nerd too though. He had a corporate job but had a wild streak. He kinda looks like Bruno Mars, but taller and more handsome. He told me many people tell him that. Has major swag. He kinda reminds me of Rhett Buttler too. Doesn’t dress sharp but is smooth and dangerous. He’s actually from Nepal, but has been living in the U.S. his adult life and has definitely adopted the Bay Area Funk. I was zoning out staring and smiling distracted at his muscles and his chiseled face as he was talking. “What are you laughing at?” He asked. “I am not laughing, you’re handsome” I responded. “Really? he said surprisingly turning his head. After drinks, we went downstairs for dinner and had a Moscow Mule drink. We got along well so he asked if I wanted to go dancing since I told him I liked salsa dancing. We went to a bar but there was no dancing. I think we drank a vodka cranberry. I had so much to drink I had to break the seal. He waited outside for the Lyft to take us to a dance club. Standing outside we hugged and he asked what was my last name. I asked what his was and I could not say it right. He kissed me. I asked him why he did that. He said I was cute. I wasn’t complaining. “What’s that?! He pointed at my back. What? I turned and THERE WAS A FOOT OF TOILET PAPER HANGING OUT THE BACK OF MY PANTS LIKE A TAIL! HOW TF DID TOILET PAPER GET ON MY BUTT WHEN I DIDN’T POOP?! I WANTED TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT! This crap only happens to me!