Dating Prince (continued) & a date with the black police officer

Christmas time in 2015 I had a good rotation of men. One day after another.

One of the great things about Tinder dating is that you get to hear the interesting life stories of men you probably would not encounter. Tinder was the first time I went on dates with African-American men or men in the Diaspora. (Well, there was one time I met a biracial lawyer guy in Ohio on eHarmony like 5 years before. He told a lot of corny jokes that only he laughed at) This was a new experience for me. Prince was the first black man I dated. I still catch flack from some men for having not dated many black men. How much is enough?

2015 racial tensions were high. The Black Lives Matter movement was emerging as a force that could not be dismissed by the mainstream media. There are not many black people in San Diego. It is a border town that despite it’s proximity to Mexico and having a significant Mexican-descendant population, has the reputation of being pretty white. Given this setting, it was interesting to have a date with a Black officer between my dates with Prince to see what life was like for him at the time.

December 15, 2015- San Diego

The Humans of Tinder: last night I went to a comedy show where you can bring your own booze with the romantic date dude. I’ll call him Hakeem, the Prince of Zamunda because he is certainly looking for a queen. He said he was looking for a wife. The show was much more funny with the wine he brought. After the show, we had Thai food. He looked at me and said “I like you, I want to make this work”. OK, wow. No one has ever said that to me. Meanwhile, I have other dates promised to others. But the Prince is ahead of the others.

Today I had a lunch date with a guy who is a counselor at a prison.

He chose his favorite Vietnamese place for us to eat pho. He’s originally from Brooklyn and his uncle choreographed the Lindy-hop scene in the Spike Lee film. He’s a fan of black cinema. He told me he was shocked to see how some of his colleagues react to the Black Lives Matter movement. Even said to see them make hurtful comments on social media. He said that when he moved into his apartment people looked at him with a side-eye and he would catch them staring at him with looks of suspicion. He is this big tall black guy who did not look in place in his neighborhood. However, all that changed the day he accidentally forgot to take off his lanyard from work before coming home. “Your lanyard?”, I asked. Yes, it looks like a police officer badge and it says I work at a corrections facility, he replied. “Ever since then, people have been smiling and waving at me when they see me”, he added.

We talked about everything from the Apollo theater to how he doesn’t go to church anymore. He said he felt like people were not genuine to what was being preached. No one at his elderly mom’s church offers to give her a ride to service. He gave her his nice Letterman jacket for donations to the poor, but the deacon took it for himself. I would be very disappointed and hurt about that if I were him too. We also talked a lot about food because he’s a Lil chunky, but sweet and attractive. I think I have met men I could fix up with my girlfriends! Anyway, I wanted to share because there are many “good” men out there who are highly educated, attractive and solid people. I’m keeping Hakeem the Prince of Zamunda tho 😉


The officer texted me a few times after that saying that he was expecting me to hit him up. I don’t do that because I personally believe in a guy pursuing a girl. I like to give time to men who show they are interested in me. Prince did that. He was constantly communicating with me. I have noticed even on a first tinder date guys say they go on what they think are good dates, but they never heard from the girl afterward. It’s like both parties are waiting for the other to make a move. Men would probably get better results if they were the ones to take the initiative. Anyway, I told the officer that he had not heard from me because I started dating someone.


Coming to America Story- The “Prince” (pre-part 1)

October 23, 2018

Why do we only allow some women to princesses?

The 1988 film “Coming to America” became a real part of my life when I was dating “Prince” a few years ago. He was a fan favorite of my  Facebook Tinder date posts. We dated for some time and everyone kept asking me about him. It’s the only black film I can recall where the female lead has a wealthy, charming love interest. Damn shame

A few weeks ago, I posted on my Facebook and Instagram this viral tweet.

This is a trend I have seen in black films and in the way black women are shamed for having certain standards in dating men. It bothers me to no end

I have noticed the same trend: for some reason, Hollywood cannot see a black woman be a happy woman with a prince. Movies depict her as the corporate career woman who has a lot going for her. She is the ultimate boss lady- making major moves as the CEO, has a great sense of fashion, yet her romantic lead is the struggling man. He is broke, maybe even younger, sometimes even homeless, and needs a handout to get him off his feet. She is expected to lift him up, to invest in him, to help him see his potential- to provide for him. Her happiness is never the focus of these films. It’s more of you’re single because you have high standards- lower them and you’ll find a man, you can dust off. YES! This IS a trend. Frankly, it’s enraging to me!

Taraji plays “Lauren” in “Think Like a Man” a film based on a relationship book by Steve Harvey. She’s the COO of a successful company and depicted as being too independent. Of course, she falls in love with a man who has dreams of becoming a chef. He is no where near where she is financially.

Black women are expected to save the day damn near in every aspect of life- in voting rights, fighting for civil rights, in being the office mother, nurturing students, being the matriarch of her family, take care of other people’s children AND BUILD UP A GROWN ASS MAN?? Tuh! When does she ever get a reprieve from constantly working to help others? Who is investing in her? Why can’t even Hollywood even let her dream about being swept up by a handsome man who is wealthy, a gentleman who treats her like a princess?

In this Korean drama, the CEO with a bad memory falls in love with the poor job-seeking girl with an amazing memory

This is no anti-feminist *ish! All around the world there are romantic stories that make the big screen in Hollywood, Bollywood, Korean Drama where their women are the love interest of charming, handsome, wealthy men who treat them wonderfully and give them outward displays of affection and most importantly can provide for them a better life that relieves them of their everyday struggles.  After all, isn’t that what entertainment is about- an escape from your reality? A short time to fantasize? Why is this not seen in Black films?

Bobby is a 1973 Bollywood film that has been re-made several times. The son of a wealthy man falls in love with the daughter of a poor fisherman

This is not only a phenomenon seen in black films, black women often tell me that their friends and family shame them when they say they want a man who is at least as equally educated as her and can contribute financially more than her to their household. They are called gold diggers and told they will remain single for holding these rather simple standards that are universal anywhere else in the world. Go to another country and see if parents don’t threaten their daughter should she dare to bring home a man who could not provide for her.

In my  Facebook and Instagram post, I said I wanted to start blogging about the wealthy men I dated (well almost all of the men posted would fall into that category even though I don’t mention it). I want to show that despite what films show and what people might say, there are good men who have successful careers and may even be wealthy who want to be with a black woman. These Tyler Perry & movies and such may be telling us subconsciously that we are less than and deserve less, but that is not the case! I am about truth-telling so I am starting a series of posts with a Facebook fan favorite- “Prince”. He was a Tinder that I dated for some time.

It ends up being perfect to follow this conversation because Coming to America is honestly the only “black film” where a wealthy man desires a more humble black woman and gives her a good life. Lisa’s father in the film, like damn near every other father in Korean drama, Bollywood, or whatever wants the best for his daughter. He wants her to marry a man who can take care of her when he’s gone. (Ugh, makes me mad just thinking how this basic concept is rare in black films)

Lisa’s father wants what every father wants for his daughter- for her to have the best! For someone to love and spoil her like he has done. For her to have a better life than he had

Although Prince Akeem, like the common trope in black films plays the janitor in most of the film, surprise b*tch! He’s a real prince with his portrait on the currency.  

Akeem went undercover as a janitor and never told Lisa he was a prince. That still pisses me off! He was dishonest with her from the beginning. (Picture from Paramount Pictures).

While I was dating Prince, I laughed with my sister about the similarities between my life and Coming to America. I told her that when I was little, I never understood why Lisa was so angry Prince Akeem hid the fact that he was a prince from her. Now, I totally understand and when I watch the movie I get so angry that I am not sure if I would have forgiven him or married him. Why? she asked. Because, I don’t like when men lie and he lied with an undertone of distrust or testing her. He lied assuming that she was a gold digger, that the only reason she would ever like him was for his money. Don’t go into dating a woman if you are suspicious enough to have to “test” her. This is like men who plan on coffee dates or go half because they are scared of being used. Also, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. That is playing with someone’s emotions.

Anyway, enjoy the next posts about “Prince”. You are allowed to dream about being treated like a princess!

I need to have a word with Tyler Perry, Steve Harvey and these other writers.