Humans of Tinder: The Christian Atheist

Thursday, October 11th 2018

Last Friday I told you all on Facebook about a guy I nicknamed Vanilla Latte, but as you see, his name changed. I was my usual ditsy, absent-minded-professor self and totally forgot that there was an important lecture from Angela Davis and another philosopher on ethics and language Friday night at 7 pm-the same date and time for our date in the happenin’ Uptown district of Oakland! In my defense, WHO SCHEDULES A PHILOSOPHY LECTURE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?!

So, I had the awkward task of admitting my error and asking him if we could possibly push back the date until 9 PM for an event I forgot about on campus. His response was that he noticed a lot of people double book dates and he did not want to be the second choice.  What? I was honestly shocked at his response. I am sure there were a few men who have asked me to schedule a date for later time because work caught up with them or something came up and I never gave it a second chance. Well… there was that one time I flipped out on a guy but we knew each other for a long time and… I was young. Hehe. Anyway, him jumping to the assumption that I was pushing back our date because someone better came along rubbed me the wrong way. Was he not confident in himself? Why would he think about his competition? Or even care if I was dating other people? But, I played it cool.

“What event are you going to?” he asked. “It’s a sold out Angela Davis event and I totally forgot it was on a Friday night”, I responded.  He replied that he supposed he could push back the date, but he was planning on going somewhere else if we hit it off. ‘I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it means’ I said to myself.

Of course, the event started 30 minutes late. Jeezus! I had anxiety during the talk. It was good, but it was running over time and the audience including myself was getting restless. I was thinking about messaging him to cancel, but I am a woman of her word so I left the event before it was over and took a Lyft to the bar.

It was a new pop-up bar that did not even have a name on the outside. When he saw me he had a big smile. I guess I do look like my pictures! He said the place was too loud so we walked to another bar. We sat down and ordered some drinks.

He told me he grew up all around the world. He was from everywhere: Texas, up and down the West Coast, and worked in parts of Asia. He had a philanthropic heart as he dedicated much of his life to working for non-profits before landing a corporate job in the Bay Area. In the story of his life, he mentioned many friends who were missionaries and the fact he went to Divinity school. I asked about how he met his missionary friends. He kinda shifted his weight, took a sip of his drink, looked down and said that he used to be religious. He was going to school to be a missionary but now he’s an atheist…. or agnostic… he’s not sure what he is anymore.

So, what made you go from Divinity school to become an atheist? I asked. It was a low-point of his life- a heartbreak that led him to question the existence of God. He was engaged while he was doing the Lord’s work in Asia, but she ended it and never gave him a reason why. He was so sure she was the one and that ordained for them to be together- that he wondered if he could really hear God’s voice. “Is this my voice, my will, or what God has for me?” he asked himself.  It seemed like a reasonable question that probably every believer asks his or herself. I told him that I understood how he ended up at his present state since I too have been disappointed by people in the church and have encountered major life disappointments yet never doubted the existence of God or faulted him for the actions of human beings. On the other hand, I have seen people donning the clerical collar who say they do not believe the stories in the Bible are real, rather the lessons are of value for a code of ethics to relate to one another in the world.

He seemed more comfortable that I understood and did not judge him. He said we had a lot in common because we were both raised religious. If anything, he said he’s a Christian-Atheist. He still believes in Jesus’ vision of the Kingdom of God and is dedicated to seeing that vision come to fruition here on earth. I could dig that. It did not seem contradictory to me from a philosophical view. Interestingly in the talk, the author of the ethics book said that in order to subscribe to a system of ethics, one has to imagine s/he is part of a network- a world that is interconnected and that things have agreed on values. Ethics is a lot like science fiction, he argued where ethicists create another world- an idyllic world. I am not saying the Bible is science fiction. I understand what it means to believe in something and what is required to turn that into action. He has not told many of his friends he’s an atheist- a select few know. He sometimes visits one of his past churches from previous stages of his life, but he goes to see his friends. They don’t know he’s walked away from believing in God.

I felt sad about his heartbreak. When he told me, it confirmed my suspicion that he had an issue when he made a comment about being a second date. Perhaps, his fiance left him for someone or something else. His body language was a little too close for my taste. Clearly, he did not go to a church where the “side-hug” was the closest you could get to touching the opposite sex. Haha! His legs brushed against mine at times. He did it on purpose.

He suggested we get dessert, but I told him I had to take out the dog I was dogsitting one last time and go to bed. He insisted he could drop me off and we continue but I said no, we can save it for another night.  He proposed Sunday. I did give him my name and number which I regret because the only context I would see him again is for a friend. I should have not given him the wrong idea. He seems like a nice guy, but I do not think he are a match. He texted on Sunday that he was on a deadline so he was wondering if Monday or Tuesday were ok. I could have written a snarky response to that text, considering how we started out but I did not respond at all.

On to the next!



The Nasty Churchboy who sent me a full-frontal nude pic

September 6, 2018

I get a lot of people who say that church is a good place to meet men & ask me why don’t I date a guy at church



I was raised in “the church”. I remember when I was in Kindergarten, my grandmother would take me to early morning mass before dropping me off at school. My mom took us to a Baptist church for a minute. When I became a tween, I started going to non-denominational black churches. That is pretty much where I got my church culture from. During my college years, my friends would joke that in my studies abroad, I would find a nice, quiet church boy who would swoop me up and wife me in South America. That time has come and gone.

People say that church is a good place to meet a significant other. That has never been my experience. I have always attracted “worldly men”. I did not know that church *girls* had a reputation until the pastor of a mega church that I attended in San Diego did not approve of the Singles Ministry because he said sinful… I mean single men from the outside would come to the Singles Ministry meetings looking for women to hook up with. It was so bad that the Ministry checked IDs before you could be admitted through the doors so they could trace who you were because apparently, these men were giving the women fake names before smashing and leaving them alone. He said church Singles Ministries are hook up joints and he doesn’t like it. Wouldn’t going to a club be a more fun place to pick up chicks?

You had to be over 27 years old to even go to a Minstry meeting so when I turned 27, I went to my first. It was alright. I didn’t seem like a hookup place to me. Just a lot of divorcees coming together and complaining about their first marriages.

I started going to a Bible study and made friends. It was mostly women, but there was one man who attended. He would defend me in arguments and sometimes look at me for an extended period of time, but I had no idea that he had sexual feelings for me until I moved to the Bay Area and got a late night text months after I left San Diego.

Censored text. Thank God!

Dude texted me out of nowhere with a FULL FRONTAL SHOWING HIS TWIG AND BERRIES AND TACO MEAT! With the caption “Is it OK to send nudes at night when you’re bored?”

What in the HELL??! No, tacos are like my favorite dish, but your untamed taco meat is not appetizing. How are you going to send me a nude and I never asked for it and never expected it because we are not even talking? Gross! At first, I thought he accidently sent me the pic meant for another Nicole. But no, he kept texting me and went I blocked him, he jumped in my Facebook DMs and asked me if I got his message. Bruh.

No, church is not a good place to meet men.

And men, never send women unsolicited dick picks! It’s akin to a perverted old man going around flashing people.