The Last-Minute Date- Catch Me Outside. How ‘Bout Dat? p. 1

September 20, 2018

Last week I had a discussion with my Facebook friends about last minute dates. They really annoy me. A guy messages you wanting to meet up that day or the next day. One one hand, it may seem flattering that he is eager to see you. Yet, there is something to be said about planning a date and the anticipation that comes with it.  I don’t know if there is something coded in our genes, but women typically love a man who plans a date- tells you when and where he will romance you. This should not be in the lady’s basket. You may ask her if she has food preferences, but gentlemen, please just PLAN A DATE! You’ll be light years ahead of the basic men out there. Spontaneity is good, but do not let your first impression cast you as someone who is at best, ambivalent about meeting someone or at worst, a fast boy.

I was surprised that men commented on my posts to agree with me- urging me not to go on the date that I was already questioning due to the next-day nature. One male friend said men like that are usually only thinking about sex. Another said, “next thing you know he is going to be texting you at 9pm saying ‘come outside'”. I agreed with their statements, but I am a woman of my word and I already told the man I would be at the coffee shop he chose.

I arrived at the coffee shop early. I sat down and waited a few minutes. I message him through Tinder asking if there was a certain table to meet him at. He messages back. Yeah, I will get their early and tell you where I am. Early? I am early. Then I realize, I am a DAY EARLY for our date. Ugh, I am such a nerd!

The Last-Minute date- Catch me outside p.2

So, the next day I met up with the dude at the coffee shop. I was not sure if he was nervous. He seemed to have a little shifty body language. He looked like his picture. He appeared to enjoy an active lifestyle. He had photos of him running a marathon and enjoying hiking. But he completely took me surprise when he spoke! He sounded like a hybrid of Stefon Urkel seducing Laura Winslow and the Catch Me Outside Girl. If you don’t know how that’s possible, neither do I.

I thought to myself, Oh my gosh! Am I that jerk that would judge someone because of their accent? Ugh, I must be a terrible person’. We talked about what he did for a living. He talked about being a math wiz and working his way up to a high position as an engineer in the tech industry. “Oh, do you like your job?” I asked. “I have been in jobs so boring that I understand why people do drugs I added”.

He lowered his head, smiled, and shook his head with a laugh. “I know what you mean, I have been on dates so boring-like we have nothing to talk about. To be honest, the first thing I look for is if I am attracted to the woman. And yes, I find you attractive”. ‘Wait, was I talking about dates because I swore we were just talking about jobs?’I thought to myself. “I mean, sometimes you hit it off and other times, you don’t. I know a lot of women are turned off that I talk ghetto”.

Whew, the elephant in the room has been addressed! I felt so much better once he said something about it. Although, I would not use the word “ghetto”. The thing is that I have heard people speak like that, but they know how to code switch. Also, what was surprising is like the Catch Me Outside Girl, as a half Jewish- half Mexican man, one would not stereotypically associate him with that accent. He said he pretty much grew up in Oakland, had only black friends, and married a black woman. He had such an affinity to African-American culture, that he did not feel at ease in white social spaces. I am not native to the Bay, but I have met native black Oaklanders and they do not sound like that at all, but I digress.  I asked why he divorced his wife and he told me he married her because he did not think he could do any better with his life, but once he started advancing his career, he realized he could do better. Hmmph, this is why I tell women, you do NOT build a man.

We spoke about his globetrotting as well as my travels. I found out that he had children. I hate when men don’t put that on their profile. He talked about his house on the hill he owned. He finally started asking me questions and asked what I did for a living. I told him, but I had to get going to another engagement. He said, “Ok, I need to go too but you were talking and I didn’t want to interrupt”.

Getting out of my introvert shell at the classy club

August 2018,

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I spoke with my grandmother the other day and she told me she did not have many friends. She’s always been a quiet person so it was hard for her to make friends. Now she is in a new assisted living facility and now she doesn’t have any friends- though she is friendly with people. She asked how I was doing since everyone always commented that I was quiet. I told her I can totally relate to her. I never had many friends- people are not drawn to quiet introverts. They prefer to be around the life of the party. I had to start all over when I moved to the Bay. Well, last night I went out to my favorite bar. I went alone, but had an inkling Nicole Kidman would be coming there too (Now, if you are reading this from the blog, I’ll have to update you on who Nicole Kidman is from a previous story). I arrived and was looking for a table and this handsome older gentleman flagged me down “You can sit here!”. He was waiting for a friend. We chatted, he bought me drinks and kept offering to buy me food. When Nicole Kidman arrived with her friends he bought all of us drinks and since it was her birthday coming up got the restaurant to give her a cake. He kept flirting with me but did not make a move. Nicole Kidman asked me if she wanted me to have her give him my number. I said no, he’ll ask me if he’s interested. She said last week she met a Brazilian dude there who bought her and her friend’s dinner at the neighboring hotel restaurant and it was no cheap meal. I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. She told me that she was dating this man who spent $50,000 on a club membership, but asked her to go Dutch on dates. Dump him! I said. That is so rude. She nodded. She got that intel from a female real estate agent. I love how women here look out for one another. It is so rare that I find like-minded women. Many times I miss San Diego, but I think God has me here for a reason. He knows I have this psychological condition where I am sexually attracted to men who buy lots of food and drinks for my friends and I.

“Uptown Funk” – How I got Finessed

I’ll start my first blog post with a recent  Tinder date who totally swept me off my feet. He was smooth, taught me to let go of being so uptight and made me realize I am a total embarrassment to myself.

Human’s of TindrUptown Funk: He said to me “Why are you so God damn beautiful and chill? Please don’t change and don’t let me change you” He is probably the only man I have met that could change me. I haven’t been updating you all with Tinder stories, but I have been posting pics on Instagram. Anyway, I matched with this guy the day after I came back from vacation. He wanted to meet up right away. He wanted to take me out to dinner at Cityscape- a beautiful indoor rooftop bar in downtown SF. I was tired from the trip and training, plus I really don’t believe in going to the man so I told him I would meet him another day. He kept asking as the weekend progressed “As you can see, I am not trying to miss a day” he messaged me so I told him Monday worked. (I would already be in the City. I am not chasing no man). I really did not get as dolled up as I usually do for dates. I still put in effort. I had no expectations for this date. I got their early and he rushed over. When he came he had a big smile. I was surprised. He was way cuter than his pictures. He was different than the corporate techies and CEOs I have been dating. He had pics of him on the beach, traveling, showing off his six-pack. He was a nerd too though. He had a corporate job but had a wild streak. He kinda looks like Bruno Mars, but taller and more handsome. He told me many people tell him that. Has major swag. He kinda reminds me of Rhett Buttler too. Doesn’t dress sharp but is smooth and dangerous. He’s actually from Nepal, but has been living in the U.S. his adult life and has definitely adopted the Bay Area Funk. I was zoning out staring and smiling distracted at his muscles and his chiseled face as he was talking. “What are you laughing at?” He asked. “I am not laughing, you’re handsome” I responded. “Really? he said surprisingly turning his head. After drinks, we went downstairs for dinner and had a Moscow Mule drink. We got along well so he asked if I wanted to go dancing since I told him I liked salsa dancing. We went to a bar but there was no dancing. I think we drank a vodka cranberry. I had so much to drink I had to break the seal. He waited outside for the Lyft to take us to a dance club. Standing outside we hugged and he asked what was my last name. I asked what his was and I could not say it right. He kissed me. I asked him why he did that. He said I was cute. I wasn’t complaining. “What’s that?! He pointed at my back. What? I turned and THERE WAS A FOOT OF TOILET PAPER HANGING OUT THE BACK OF MY PANTS LIKE A TAIL! HOW TF DID TOILET PAPER GET ON MY BUTT WHEN I DIDN’T POOP?! I WANTED TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT! This crap only happens to me!