Coming to America Story- The “Prince” (pre-part 1)

October 23, 2018

Why do we only allow some women to princesses?

The 1988 film “Coming to America” became a real part of my life when I was dating “Prince” a few years ago. He was a fan favorite of my  Facebook Tinder date posts. We dated for some time and everyone kept asking me about him. It’s the only black film I can recall where the female lead has a wealthy, charming love interest. Damn shame

A few weeks ago, I posted on my Facebook and Instagram this viral tweet.

This is a trend I have seen in black films and in the way black women are shamed for having certain standards in dating men. It bothers me to no end

I have noticed the same trend: for some reason, Hollywood cannot see a black woman be a happy woman with a prince. Movies depict her as the corporate career woman who has a lot going for her. She is the ultimate boss lady- making major moves as the CEO, has a great sense of fashion, yet her romantic lead is the struggling man. He is broke, maybe even younger, sometimes even homeless, and needs a handout to get him off his feet. She is expected to lift him up, to invest in him, to help him see his potential- to provide for him. Her happiness is never the focus of these films. It’s more of you’re single because you have high standards- lower them and you’ll find a man, you can dust off. YES! This IS a trend. Frankly, it’s enraging to me!

Taraji plays “Lauren” in “Think Like a Man” a film based on a relationship book by Steve Harvey. She’s the COO of a successful company and depicted as being too independent. Of course, she falls in love with a man who has dreams of becoming a chef. He is no where near where she is financially.

Black women are expected to save the day damn near in every aspect of life- in voting rights, fighting for civil rights, in being the office mother, nurturing students, being the matriarch of her family, take care of other people’s children AND BUILD UP A GROWN ASS MAN?? Tuh! When does she ever get a reprieve from constantly working to help others? Who is investing in her? Why can’t even Hollywood even let her dream about being swept up by a handsome man who is wealthy, a gentleman who treats her like a princess?

In this Korean drama, the CEO with a bad memory falls in love with the poor job-seeking girl with an amazing memory

This is no anti-feminist *ish! All around the world there are romantic stories that make the big screen in Hollywood, Bollywood, Korean Drama where their women are the love interest of charming, handsome, wealthy men who treat them wonderfully and give them outward displays of affection and most importantly can provide for them a better life that relieves them of their everyday struggles.  After all, isn’t that what entertainment is about- an escape from your reality? A short time to fantasize? Why is this not seen in Black films?

Bobby is a 1973 Bollywood film that has been re-made several times. The son of a wealthy man falls in love with the daughter of a poor fisherman

This is not only a phenomenon seen in black films, black women often tell me that their friends and family shame them when they say they want a man who is at least as equally educated as her and can contribute financially more than her to their household. They are called gold diggers and told they will remain single for holding these rather simple standards that are universal anywhere else in the world. Go to another country and see if parents don’t threaten their daughter should she dare to bring home a man who could not provide for her.

In my  Facebook and Instagram post, I said I wanted to start blogging about the wealthy men I dated (well almost all of the men posted would fall into that category even though I don’t mention it). I want to show that despite what films show and what people might say, there are good men who have successful careers and may even be wealthy who want to be with a black woman. These Tyler Perry & movies and such may be telling us subconsciously that we are less than and deserve less, but that is not the case! I am about truth-telling so I am starting a series of posts with a Facebook fan favorite- “Prince”. He was a Tinder that I dated for some time.

It ends up being perfect to follow this conversation because Coming to America is honestly the only “black film” where a wealthy man desires a more humble black woman and gives her a good life. Lisa’s father in the film, like damn near every other father in Korean drama, Bollywood, or whatever wants the best for his daughter. He wants her to marry a man who can take care of her when he’s gone. (Ugh, makes me mad just thinking how this basic concept is rare in black films)

Lisa’s father wants what every father wants for his daughter- for her to have the best! For someone to love and spoil her like he has done. For her to have a better life than he had

Although Prince Akeem, like the common trope in black films plays the janitor in most of the film, surprise b*tch! He’s a real prince with his portrait on the currency.  

Akeem went undercover as a janitor and never told Lisa he was a prince. That still pisses me off! He was dishonest with her from the beginning. (Picture from Paramount Pictures).

While I was dating Prince, I laughed with my sister about the similarities between my life and Coming to America. I told her that when I was little, I never understood why Lisa was so angry Prince Akeem hid the fact that he was a prince from her. Now, I totally understand and when I watch the movie I get so angry that I am not sure if I would have forgiven him or married him. Why? she asked. Because, I don’t like when men lie and he lied with an undertone of distrust or testing her. He lied assuming that she was a gold digger, that the only reason she would ever like him was for his money. Don’t go into dating a woman if you are suspicious enough to have to “test” her. This is like men who plan on coffee dates or go half because they are scared of being used. Also, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. That is playing with someone’s emotions.

Anyway, enjoy the next posts about “Prince”. You are allowed to dream about being treated like a princess!

I need to have a word with Tyler Perry, Steve Harvey and these other writers.

 

The Nasty Churchboy who sent me a full-frontal nude pic

September 6, 2018

I get a lot of people who say that church is a good place to meet men & ask me why don’t I date a guy at church

http://

via GIPHY

I was raised in “the church”. I remember when I was in Kindergarten, my grandmother would take me to early morning mass before dropping me off at school. My mom took us to a Baptist church for a minute. When I became a tween, I started going to non-denominational black churches. That is pretty much where I got my church culture from. During my college years, my friends would joke that in my studies abroad, I would find a nice, quiet church boy who would swoop me up and wife me in South America. That time has come and gone.

People say that church is a good place to meet a significant other. That has never been my experience. I have always attracted “worldly men”. I did not know that church *girls* had a reputation until the pastor of a mega church that I attended in San Diego did not approve of the Singles Ministry because he said sinful… I mean single men from the outside would come to the Singles Ministry meetings looking for women to hook up with. It was so bad that the Ministry checked IDs before you could be admitted through the doors so they could trace who you were because apparently, these men were giving the women fake names before smashing and leaving them alone. He said church Singles Ministries are hook up joints and he doesn’t like it. Wouldn’t going to a club be a more fun place to pick up chicks?

You had to be over 27 years old to even go to a Minstry meeting so when I turned 27, I went to my first. It was alright. I didn’t seem like a hookup place to me. Just a lot of divorcees coming together and complaining about their first marriages.

I started going to a Bible study and made friends. It was mostly women, but there was one man who attended. He would defend me in arguments and sometimes look at me for an extended period of time, but I had no idea that he had sexual feelings for me until I moved to the Bay Area and got a late night text months after I left San Diego.

Censored text. Thank God!

Dude texted me out of nowhere with a FULL FRONTAL SHOWING HIS TWIG AND BERRIES AND TACO MEAT! With the caption “Is it OK to send nudes at night when you’re bored?”

What in the HELL??! No, tacos are like my favorite dish, but your untamed taco meat is not appetizing. How are you going to send me a nude and I never asked for it and never expected it because we are not even talking? Gross! At first, I thought he accidently sent me the pic meant for another Nicole. But no, he kept texting me and went I blocked him, he jumped in my Facebook DMs and asked me if I got his message. Bruh.

No, church is not a good place to meet men.

And men, never send women unsolicited dick picks! It’s akin to a perverted old man going around flashing people.